Raining Buckets

It used to be that I life tossed me this almost intangible inkling, pointing me in one direction or another. Latley it's been like each raindrop had it's own personal rain bucket wrapped around it, bang, bang, banging down on my head.

Since last time I wrote, I had an intensely beautiful night at a house called "The Groove Farm". It's basically a bunch of hippied out folks living communally in East Austin. They chill, talk about "energy", and play really rad electronic music. The majority of the people there, that night, interracted with each other virtually without ego. Very freely and genuinely. It was refreshing to see so many people together, acting that way. It gave me hope in humankind, and reminded me that I don't need $ to survive.

I got to thinking: It's miserable stressing about paying rent and working a job that makes me want to die on a daily basis, whilst leaving no time left over to sufficiently decompress, and basically break even monetarily at the end of the month. There has to be a better way.

Ben let me know that he wanted to live alone. So now I need to find a place to live by the end of the month. Added stress. My body and my soul wants to pitch a tent in a friend's backyard and gnab some part time job. I need time. Free time. Me time.

I was in a fashion show today for my pals at The Escapist Bookstore. I wore a Kimono and tight black jeans and did a little skit with one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, and her 2yo daughter. It was so cute my teeth almost fell out. I wonder if anybody has any photos of it.

I've been balls-to-the-wall with working and apartment hunting and satisfying various hard time constraints. I haven't had enough time left over for myself. I feel like I've been fucking everything up and disappointing everybody. I don't feel like I've been able to do much of anything right lately. I'm breaking under the pressure. I'm going to find a better way to exist. I have to. And quicky.

It could be that I'm losing my mind, but it really feels like the universe has an amplified reactivity to it. Actions causing swift and obvious reactions. Dig?

Hang out with me before they throw me in the looney bin, eh?

Evan

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